Why Codependency leaves you vulnerable to toxic relationships

As someone who has walked the path of both healing and helping others heal, I want to share some insights on codependency and why it can leave us vulnerable to toxic relationships. This is a topic close to my heart because it’s something I’ve personally experienced and have seen countless times in my work as a therapist.

Understanding Codependency

Codependency often begins with the best intentions—caring deeply for others, wanting to be supportive, and finding fulfilment in being needed. However, when our sense of self-worth becomes entangled in the approval and validation of others, it can create a dangerous dynamic. We start prioritising others' needs over our own to an unhealthy degree, sometimes without even realising it.

This pattern of behaviour can stem from various sources—childhood experiences, past trauma, or even cultural conditioning. The common thread, though, is that codependency makes us more susceptible to relationships where our boundaries are blurred, and our emotional needs are overlooked.

The Vulnerability to Toxic Relationships

Toxic relationships thrive on imbalance. In these dynamics, one person often exerts control, manipulation, or emotional abuse, while the other person (often the codependent partner) takes on the role of the caretaker, the fixer, or the pleaser. When you’re codependent, your need to be needed can make it difficult to recognise when a relationship is harming you. You might justify mistreatment, convince yourself that if you just try harder, things will get better, or believe that your worth is tied to the success of the relationship.

This vulnerability is compounded by the fact that codependency often involves a fear of abandonment or rejection. You may stay in a toxic relationship longer than you should, believing that leaving would mean failure or that you’d be alone. But the truth is, the longer you stay, the more your self-esteem erodes, and the harder it becomes to break free.

Healing from Codependency

The journey to healing from codependency starts with self-awareness. Recognising the patterns that have led you to this point is key. It’s about understanding that your worth isn’t determined by how much you do for others, and that a healthy relationship is built on mutual respect, not continuous self-sacrifice.

Therapy can be a powerful tool in this healing process. It provides a safe space to explore your past, understand your patterns, and develop healthier ways of relating to others. It’s also about rebuilding your relationship with yourself—learning to value your own needs and set boundaries that protect your emotional well-being.

Moving Forward

If you find yourself resonating with this, know that you’re not alone, and it’s never too late to change. Healing from codependency is a journey, but it’s one that can lead to healthier, more fulfilling relationships—not just with others, but with yourself.