“I feel like I’m going crazy” - The Hidden Reality of Coercive Control

When people come to me for counselling, they don’t usually sit down and say, “I’m being abused.” What I’m more likely to hear is, “I feel like I’m going mad”, or “I can’t cope with feeling this anxious”.

That’s what coercive control does. It doesn’t always look like shouting or obvious violence. Instead, it seeps into the daily details of life, twisting them slowly, leaving you doubting your own thoughts, your feelings, even your memory. Because there are no clear bruises or big blow-ups for others to point to, it can take years before someone can even name what’s happening.

How It Shows Up in Daily Life

It’s the hesitation before you make plans, because you know there’ll be accusations of cheating.

It’s the way you find yourself constantly praising or placating them, not because you feel it, but because it keeps things calm.

It’s lying awake at night, replaying conversations, wondering: Did they really say that? Or am I just being too sensitive?

It’s the dread of doing even simple things alone like going for a walk or nipping to the shop because they quietly show their disapproval of you doing anything alone. And if you consider leaving, you fear that they’d twist the narrative, discredit you, make others see you as unstable, or even question your ability as a parent or professional.

From the outside, people may see a charming partner, a respected individual. On the inside, you’re left walking on eggshells, quietly shrinking, questioning yourself at every turn.

The marks of abuse don’t always show up on the skin. More often, they’re inside you.

• You stop trusting your own judgement.

• You feel drained, even when “nothing happened” that day.

• You struggle to remember who you were before this relationship.

• You hesitate over every decision unless you’ve checked with them first.

• You live with a deep fear that no one would believe you if you spoke up or left.

If you’ve landed on this page, I wonder if you’re looking to find your voice again after years of being silenced, doubted, or made to feel “too much”?

The first step finding your way back to discovering your authentic, wonderful self  is usually establishing a sense of emotional safety. That might mean building small grounding routines that help your nervous system settle, or finding spaces where you don’t have to explain yourself and can simply breathe.

From there, the work often turns to making sense of what happened. Untangling the lies from the truth. Naming the gaslighting for what it was. Gently exploring the ways you learned to survive. To feel able to hold the pain safely and with compassion for yourself.

And slowly, bit by bit, reconnection happens. The parts of you that were pushed down begin to surface again. The laugh you thought you’d lost returns. You choose clothes because you like them. You don’t clock watch when you’re out shopping. You see who you want, when you want. You start to dream about the future without fear hovering over every thought.

Recovering from coercive control doesn’t mean forgetting. It doesn’t mean you’ll never feel echoes of what you went through. But it does mean you can live without the eggshells. You can begin to trust yourself again and truly know that your voice matters, your feelings are valid, and your life belongs to you.

If you’re curious about how our therapy services can help you, please feel free to drop me a message or book a free, 20 minute call via this link:

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